Delving Deeper
by SD130413
Summary: It's been a trying couple of weeks for SVU but now that the case is closed and Cragen is in the clear the team need to regroup and get back to work. Nick's wife is gone, Munch is questioning his conspiracies more than ever, Rollins is homesick and Olivia understands Cragen's need for companionship. Can something be done or is SVU changed for good?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So new season of SVU kick starts some inspiration, I was hovering the living room when this came into my head. Possible one-shot, possibly more you'll have to decide. I'm sure I'm not the only one who will write something from what happened on the Season Premier but I've wanted Olivia happy for so long, I don't care who with either anymore! I mean just give the woman a life!**

**I totally think it was Brian that had been sharing a bed with Olivia. It just was ok? Lol! I don't know I was too busy focusing on the case to focus on anything else going on in the episode surprisingly but anyway after my SVU Sabbatical I am back with this, lemme know if you want more after this chapter. If not I'll vanish right back into Fifty Shades and stay there! **

It had been a long and trying couple of weeks. Olivia was beyond exhausted but she had some things she needed to do before going home and collapsing in her bed, starting with a visit to Brian Cassidy's hospital room.

"Hey." He beamed as she walked through the door, he still hadn't got the feel of her lips attached to his out of his mind.

"Hi." She responded a little dejectedly which put a frown on Brian's face. He watched as she sunk into the seat beside his bed making no effort to touch him or be close to him as she had every other time. In all honesty Olivia's heart still pounded every time she saw him, seeing him two hole's in his chest and hearing the monotonous beep of the heart monitor in the ambulance would keep her awake for nights to come, of that she was sure.

"What's wrong Liv?" He asked her softly as she seemed to be lost in her own little world staring at the tangerine wall of his room. "Liv?!"

"Huh? What?" She brought her attention to the man in front of her.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah just exhausted." She smiled limply but he knew there was more to it than what she was saying and he wasn't going to let her get away with avoiding talking about it.

"Seriously Liv, I mean I know we've been strangers for the past thirteen years but it wasn't even twenty four hours ago that you were kissing me." He stated making a small smile appear on her otherwise frowning face. "So come on, spill, whassup?"

"I just…" She started but broke off in fear of saying the wrong thing.

"I just?" Brian questioned.

"It's nothing." She sighed leaning forward and linking her fingers with his. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze hoping it would reassure her somehow but all it did was make her frown deepen.

"It's not nothing Olivia." He said. "Talk to me? Please?"

"You had an affair with Carissa she said she loved you." Olivia started knowing that Brian wasn't going to leave her to sit and ponder in silence with him and she really didn't fancy being anywhere else but here.

"Are you asking me if I loved her?" Brian asked carefully. Olivia just nodded making sure her eyes were downcast because she didn't want to see the look in his eyes when he confessed that to her. "No Olivia, she was a pastime. That's all. How about your last boyfriend? Did you love him?"

"What has that to do with anything?"

"It has to do with everything, you're questioning my last relationship it's just fair for me to question yours." Brian replied with a shrug, he really didn't give a damn but he was turning the tables to even out the playing field.

"No, I thought I did but we weren't together long enough." She replied with a shrug, the constant talk of David Hayden in the squad room during the last case had surprisingly not bothered her, she just saw him as someone who was once a friend and she shared bodily fluids with on occasion, nothing more to it than that.

"Then why ask me?" He asked.

"Because… what are we doing Brian?" She asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well do I kiss you, spend time with you while you're here all for you to disappear for another thirteen years?"

"Do you want me to disappear for thirteen years?" He asked her with amusement, he could tell Olivia was severely uncomfortable with this conversation and he wanted nothing more than to play on that because he knew where she was going and he wanted her to get there already.

"No of course not." She replied. "Seeing you on the ground with two holes in your chest…" Her voice caught in her throat and Brian couldn't resist pulling her arm, tugging her into him and she let him. She climbed to sit on the bed beside him but he wasn't having it as much as it hurt his chest he pulled her down so she was lying beside him, hanging awkwardly off the edge of the bed but holding onto him. "I thought you'd die."

"I didn't though Liv. Thanks to you I'm alive."

"All I did was panic Brian. I've never been so scared in my life." She whispered shakily.

"Neither have I." He admitted. "But it could have been you and that would have scared me even more."

"Really?" She lifted her head to look into his eyes and she could see the sincerity in his eyes.

"I don't want what we have this time to be one night like last time Olivia, if that's what you're asking." He said quietly, he was done prancing around the obvious elephant in the room.

"So what?" She shrugged.

"Do you want it to be just one night?" He asked already with a feeling about that answer.

"No." She smiled limply settling back into the pillow. "No I don't want it to be just one night but what about work, what next?" She asked weakly, she felt like she needed a good cry about everything that had happened over the past few days and here wasn't the time or place.

"Can we not think about it right now?" He asked.

"We have to soon." She murmured.

"Soon yes, but not now." He replied. "Right now I just want to enjoy holding you like this."

"Do you think something could work?" She asked sighing into Brian as much as she could.

"I know something could." He replied. "You couldn't keep your hands off me the other night."

"Feels like a lifetime ago." Olivia replied surprised at the fact it wasn't even two weeks ago.

"The first time was." He chuckled before wincing.

"Careful." Olivia said softly trying to move from the bed.

"No don't go. Just stay."

"Ok." She smiled turning over slowly and carefully to look at him.

"This is nice." He said rolling gently so he was side on so he could face her.

"Yeah." She smiled though her eyes shone with unshed tears.

"Liv." He sighed taking his hand to her cheek so he could stroke her softly. "You're upset."

"It's been a trying time." She sighed, her voice echoing sobs.

"I know." He replied. "Don't hold back, it's just you and me Olivia. No one else here." He told her quietly. It was a strange concept but he thought if Olivia could show weakness in front of him then maybe she would be able to open up to him too, which was something he wanted. He wanted her to be able to be open and honest with.

"I can't." She whispered though the tears were brimming right at the edge.

He leant forward and kissed her softly. She didn't push him away or pull back, most surprising she leant in and kissed him back, heavily.

"You can." He promised his lips still only millimetres away from hers. She leant in and kissed him again, this time deepening it just a little. Cassidy felt her hot, wet tears on his cheeks as they kissed he pulled back and managed to throw his arm over her so it looked like he was holding her though there was very little he could actually hold in his current state. With his other hand he held her hand, she squeezed his tight as she tried to hide her tears. He kissed her forehead lightly.

"It was so horrible." She admitted hiccupping quietly, she'd never been one for full out sobbing but that she would do later in the quiet of her own apartment.

"I know."

"Don Cragen is like a father to me, he was escorted off in handcuffs, he was in a jumpsuit… I for a moment…"

"For a moment you wondered what if he was guilty." Cassidy said quietly. Her eyes flicked up to meet his and she nodded. "There's nothing wrong with that Liv."

"He's been my Captain for more than fourteen years." She said harshly.

"I know."

"He's been the only constant in my life since Elliot left." She continued.

"I know." He reassured.

"I knew he wasn't guilt but there was just a small part of me… what if he'd become one of the monsters we fought so hard to put behind bars."

"I know Olivia, that's ok. That's normal. There were times I wondered if I was one of them, if I was as bad as Bart."

"You could never be." She said quietly.

"I know that but deep inside, I wondered, could I be? I mean your partner thought I was, he was convinced I was playing both sides of the fence." Cassidy explained.

"I don't know if I'll ever trust Nick again." Olivia shuddered, she knew there was broken trust between her and Nick, and because she wasn't familiar with him like she was with Elliot she wasn't sure how long, if ever, it would take to get it back.

"You will. He was trying to continue to be a good guy Liv. He was never on any radar until SVU began snooping around. He would have been had he not been a perfect cop. He's a good guy and he has your back." He told her.

"I know." She nodded and swallowed hard. "I need to get home."

"Oh no you don't, you're staying here and keeping me company." He replied trying to grip a little harder to her in a teasing manner, in his current state Olivia could beat the shit out of him if she wanted too… actually in any state Olivia could beat the shit out of him. He didn't doubt that one bit.

"I have to work tomorrow. I'll come by before work."

"No, just stay Olivia. You're exhausted, these drugs have me exhausted. Just stay." Brian replied.

"Ok." She smiled kicking off her shoes. "I'll stay." He kissed her gently and allowed her to snuggle down into the bed. This was something he was going to treasure for the rest of his life.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I realised I don't care if no one reads this, I loved writing the first chapter, so here is Chapter 2!**

**I missed what Brian Cassidy said to Olivia between the two kissed in the episode. It was "Nurse Nightingale" he called her, how cute?! Haha!**

Olivia was snoozing beside a sleeping Brian Cassidy. It was hard to relax completely with fear of either falling off the bed or hurting Brian more than he was hurting already but she had to admit being here beside him was much more relaxing than collecting thoughts back at her apartment.

It was obvious to her that Brian wanted this to work. Whatever this was. She wanted this too work. The words Cragen had spoken to her back in Rikers ringing hard in her ears.

"_How happy I'd been to have someone to talk to." _

Was this what she was doing with Cassidy, just looking for companionship? She really enjoyed being with him the other night, in all honesty he'd crossed her mind a few times in the past thirteen years and she had wondered often if she'd have given it a chance what would have happened between them and she was more than willing to give it a go this time. Give it a real go.

Her phone ringing roused her from sleep and she quickly extracted it from her pocket. She squinted at the screen lighting up the dim room. Seeing Cragen's name was spooky, it had been with Cassidy Olivia had been the night Cragen called her telling her there was a body in his bed. She never wanted to experience that again.

"Benson." She answered quietly. She didn't want to wake Brian up, sleep would help him heal.

_Olivia I need your help. _

"What is it?" She asked swallowing hard.

_I need your help, please?_

She could hear the desperation in his voice. She was tempted to ask him if there was another body in his bed but then she also knew that it was too soon for those types of jokes if there would ever be an appropriate length of time for jokes like that.

"Ok what do you need?" She asked as Brian's hazel eyes blinked up from beside her.

_Can you come over?_

"Sure, need me to pick up something on the way?" She asked not liking how vulnerable Cragen sounded, she'd seen him at his worst but she'd never heard him sounding like this.

_No. _

"Ok I won't be long." She replied hanging up.

"Who was that at…. Two in the morning?"

"Cragen." Olivia replied placing the phone in her pocket. "I gotta go."

"Work? Doesn't he have a lot of hoops to jump through before he's back in the office?" Brian asked sleepily.

"Yeah uh, he needs my help." She replied climbing off the bed to get her shoes.

"He needs your help? Another body in his bed."

"That's not funny." She said stifling a laugh but Brian's smile had her laughing and shaking her head. "Too soon."

"It's never too soon to make something funny Liv, did he say what was wrong?"

"No." She replied leaning on the side of the bed. "I will be back as soon as I can."

"Ok." He smiled as she leant in and kissed him. "Shoot me a text when you get there, just so I know you're ok."

"Why?" She asked with an amused smile.

"Because call me paranoid but you've just help put very powerful people behind bars and I've lived in that world, I'm scared for you right now."

"Ok. I'll text just get some sleep and I'll see you soon." She kissed him once more and he sighed contently as she hurried out of the room.

As he closed his eyes he heard her echoing screams ringing in his ears.

"Don't shoot! Don't shoot!" His eyes sprung open but the voice was in his head and it wasn't going anywhere. "No! No!" He could tell, as he lay on the ground, he could tell she was scared. Her cries of fear sounded so painful and it brought a lump to his throat. He remembered her voice sounding distant as she called for a bus. "Call a bus!" He remembered seeing the fear on her eyes just before he closed his eyes. Then in the ambulance, her pleading for him not to die just moment before everything went black. He remembered nothing from then till he woke up and found out he no longer had a spleen and was lucky to still be breathing.

Meanwhile across town Olivia knocked lightly on Don Cragen's door. He answered within seconds, this time wrapped in a robe looking as white as a sheet.

"Cap is everything ok?" She asked as he stepped aside to let her in.

"I can't stop thinking that I'd forget Liv please don't let me…"

"Cap you're not making any sense." She said turning into the living room and turning to face him.

"A drink." He said looking over her shoulder. Her gaze followed his and she saw a bottle of vodka sitting on the coffee table.

"You want a drink?" She asked and he nodded, he looked like a scared little boy and it broke Olivia's heart even more. "Ok." She nodded taking control of the situation. "I am going to tip that down the drain and make us both a coffee, I will sit here all night if I have too." She said and he nodded weakly, he hadn't even looked this vulnerable in his tank and boxers with blood on his hands.

"Ok." He nodded.

"Come and sit down." She guided him to the worn down arm chair and kept her hands on him as he sat down. She could feel him shaking beneath her hand and she knew it took a lot of effort for him to have called her and not pick up the bottle.

"Ok, I'll go make some coffee, just sit tight." She said and he watched her walk away grabbing the bottle as she went.

In the kitchen Olivia switched on the kettle and tipped the clear liquid down the drain. She felt very proud of Don Cragen, he was stronger than he was giving himself credit for, he'd resisted the bottle long enough to call her and long enough for her to get there. That took strength. She was hoping she could get him to open up to her some while she was here, maybe but more than likely not, she hoped she could get him to go to counselling or see someone about everything that had happened. If anything she knew she would be. It would take a long time for her to come to term with everything otherwise.

"Here." She said taking a coffee through.

"Thank you." He whispered and Olivia knew that those two words held more than thanks for coffee.

"No problem." She replied slipping onto the couch just as her phone rang. "Benson."

_You said you'd text me._

"Shit I'm sorry, I forgot."

_Yeah I guessed. Sorry I didn't mean to snap I just… I care you know and I worry. _

"I know, I care about you too." She said her heart beating fast at the confession, she wasn't sure if it was her own confession or his. "Now get some sleep heal up and I'll see you before I go to work."

_Be careful, watch your back and carry your gun._

"Yes Sir." She said playfully making Brian laugh softly into her ear.

_I miss you here next to me. _

"Now isn't the time. I'll see you in the morning."

_Ok, fine, bye. _

"Bye." She smiled before hanging up and placing her phone on the coffee table.

"Boyfriend?" Don asked looking quite amused.

"Something like that." She replied before taking a long sip of her coffee.

"I shouldn't have called, it's so late I'm sure he's barely seen you since everything." He replied looking a little guilty.

"Surprisingly he's seen a little more of me than some others." She replied with a small smirk. She wanted to tell someone about her and Brian and Don was a good idea but not this moment, not right now.

"Brian Cassidy."

Turned out that she didn't need to say anything, he'd worked it out.

"Yeah." She said awkwardly, talking about her relationships with her Captain wasn't the most comfortable topic, not right now.

"You were with him when I called?"

"Yeah, just sleeping, he's hurting."

"Something to do with two bullets in his chest." Don said and Olivia smiled weakly and nodded.

"Yeah, he's a little paranoid, wanted me to text to say I'd gotten here but I forgot."

"He has every right to be paranoid. I'm sure we all are."

"I'm not." She replied. "If someone takes me out they do it, I'm not going to spend my life looking over my shoulder. I did what I needed to do and that was proving your innocence, in the process of doing that I helped bring down two sex trafficking rings. I'm pretty pleased with that and if someone takes me out because of it, so what, Delia is in jail, Bart is in jail."

"You're a good cop Liv." Cragen smiled gently at her.

"I try to be. I think we've just proved that not everyone is as squeaky clean as Nick Amaro."

"Cassidy's clean right?"

"As a whistle. I wouldn't be surprised if he has fewer marks in his jacket than me." Olivia chuckled and Don smiled.

"How are things in the office?" Don asked and Olivia knew he was asking about the Detectives.

"Fin's fine, he's handling all of this better than anyone. Nick's, well Nick's not talking to me right now, Amanda's a little shaken as we all are I guess but she seems to be struggling a little more with it than the rest of us and John has more conspiracies surrounding the NYPD than ever, if you thought he was paranoid before it is nothing compared to now." Olivia explained.

"And what about you?" Don asked and Olivia knew he was avoiding the real issue, his need for a drink.

"I'm… I'm good." She replied.

"Are you? because you don't look it Liv, you look worn out." Don replied feeling a little guilty for calling her.

"I'm fine, it's just sleeping on a small hospital bed with another person." She chuckled as Don cracked a smile.

"Don't let everything get on top of you Liv, take some time for yourself."

"I wish I could. Harris doesn't know his ass from his elbow and no one listens to him. He needs someone there to give him a hand right now."

"Things will settle down in a few days." Don smiled and Olivia nodded in agreement.

"The sooner the better for all of us." Olivia replied.

The two slipped into silence, the only noise was the ticking of the clock on the shelf above the fireplace a reminder of the time passing them.

"Thank you for coming over Olivia." Don said so quietly Olivia only just heard him.

"It's ok." Olivia gave him a reassuring smile.

"I didn't know what else to do." He admitted and Olivia knew it was his time to talk, he was ready to talk to her and she would listen. "Knowing I had a drink that night, and ended up with a woman dead in my bed… it scared me. The whole time I was in Rikers I wanted a drink but being behind bars I couldn't have one. Coming out, it didn't affect me at first because I had a lot to deal with with one pp and IAB and the Police Integrity Unit but then coming home to an empty apartment. It was like a neon sign flashing telling me to drink and I could forget. Forget prison, forget everything that had happened since I found her in my bed. I want so bad to forget but I know that hiding in a bottle isn't the answer but as I weighed up the pro's and con's the pro's seriously outweighed the con's."

"I'm glad you called me." Olivia admitted softly.

"You are?"

"I've seen what drink does Don, I have seen the affects and I couldn't watch it happen to you. Even if I have to sit here every night I will do so." She said firmly and Don allowed a smile to pass his lips.

"That won't be necessary but thank you."

"Why call me though?" Olivia asked.

"Because through this entire nightmare you're the one who did what you had to do. Everyone else followed your leads, your demands, I think I'd still be locked up if it wasn't for your faith in me."

"We all knew you didn't do this."

"But you're the one who went above and beyond to prove it."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:Thanks for all your messages and reviews guys, it's good to be back here with SVU!**

Olivia woke up on Don Cragen's couch with a blanket draped over her. She realised that she must have fallen asleep before Don and that he'd made sure she was comfortable.

She jumped to her feet and scanned the room looking for something, anything that said Don had succumbed to the devil and had a drink. Not finding what she feared in the living room she stepped out surprised to be hit by the smell of something frying.

"Good morning." Don smiled as Olivia stepped into the kitchen.

"Uh good morning." She replied awkwardly, this was uncomfortable.

"Help yourself to coffee it's a fresh pot." Don smiled.

"Thanks."

She poured herself a coffee and added cream and sugar before leaning on the breakfast island. He gave her a smile as he served up pancakes and bacon onto two plates pushing one under her nose.

"Eat." He told her passing her a fork.

"I didn't know you cooked." She smiled as she tucked in.

"I don't, not really, I don't see the point cooking just for me when I can grab something on the way into the office." He replied. "I should say thank you for making sure there was food in for me."

"I just sent a couple of Uni's with a list, one of them fancies me so a bat of my eyelashes worked the trick." She explained making Don chuckle, it was so out of the ordinary and quite strange having Olivia sitting with him eating breakfast but he had to admit it was nice and for the first time in a long time he realised he wasn't lonely.

"I'm going to go to AA tonight."

"That's good." Olivia smiled encouragingly. "I'm here though Don, if you need me."

"You need to eat and go and see Cassidy before going into the office. He won't be pleased if you don't."

"You're right." Olivia smiled, she couldn't wait to see him again, surprisingly she was anxious to see him and to kiss him again.

"Are you guys going to make a go of it?"

"Huh?" She asked, he snapped her out of her thoughts about Brian Cassidy.

"I asked if you and Brian were going to make a go of things."

"Oh uh, we've not really talked much, I guess we are, I mean that's what we both said but I guess there's only so much you can talk about when you're lying in a hospital bed."

"Olivia, he's been pining after you for thirteen years." Don pointed out making Olivia smile.

"And I him to some respect." She admitted. "I always wondered what if we'd tried to make things work back then."

"You and Cassidy had a thing?" Don was shocked, he'd never known. He always knew Brian had a thing for Liv but he didn't know there was another part.

"We had a thing. A one night thing." Olivia said turning scarlet at her words.

"Oh." Don realised he didn't need further explanation.

"I told him it was a one night thing but Brian wanted more. I said no, he pinned, then he left. Then thirteen years later here we are." Olivia gave enough information without giving too much which was enough for Don.

"Well I hope things work out for you this time Liv." Don smiled.

"Thank you."

"I have to ask, what went on with you and David Hayden?" Don enquired and Olivia took a long sip of her coffee as she tried to figure out how to word it to her captain.

"Uh well… David and I had a thing."

"A one night thing?"

"A longer term thing."

"You were in a relationship?"

"Yes."

"While he worked with SVU?"

"Yes."

Don blew out a breath. Had he known then he would have had to report Olivia so he was glad he hadn't known and only suspected.

"When did it end?"

"When he became head of Conviction Integrity."

"Oh." Don remembered when he told Olivia about David's new position. He'd suspect more between the duo then, that's why he told her, but he had to admit that he would have preferred to see her happy.

"It wasn't meant to be, I'm glad it wasn't because imagine that thrown into everything we've just dealt with?"

"Don't." Don chuckled. "I shudder to think."

"Me too."

Olivia began taking the dishes but Don's hand on her arm stopped her.

"Go to Cassidy, then go to work."

"Ok." She nodded putting the dishes down. "But promise me you'll call me if you need me?"

"Of course."

"Even if it's to talk, for me to come over, whatever at what time Don."

"I know. Thanks Liv, I think I'm over the worst of it."

"I hope so." Olivia smiled.

"Go on get out of here." He teased and Olivia leant in and kissed his forehead.

"Call." She warned before hurrying off.

She arrived at the hospital thirty minutes later to see Brian sat reading the morning papers.

"Anything good in that?" She asked leaning on the doorframe.

"You really cleaned up in the NYPD." He said and Olivia chuckled and walked in further to the room as Brian folded up the paper.

"Hey once one of them started talking they all did." Olivia replied sitting on the edge of the bed and leaning into Brian the way she had when she first got to see him after he was shot.

"You did good Liv."

"Yeah I did." She replied cheekily making him laugh a like awkwardly.

"Does it hurt to laugh?" She asked and he nodded softly. "I'm sorry." She said still laughing, it was all she could do to stop herself from crying.

"So Nurse Nightingale, how are you going to make it up to me?" He teased and Olivia smiled, she wondered how long that nickname would stick.

"Hmm like this?" She asked leaning in to him and dropping her lips onto his.

"Yeah that's good." He replied before accepting another soft and tender kiss.

Olivia's phone ringing was what disrupted their kissing moment.

"Benson." She answered.

_Detective Benson, this is Captain Harris you're required to be at One Police Plaza at nine am to be questioned. I am to advise you that you may need a lawyer and or a rep._

"What?! Why?" She asked leaning away from Brian as he grabbed her hand, he couldn't hear the person on the other side of the phone.

_Bart Ganzel has made some allegations in regards to your relationship with Detective Cassidy during the course of your investigation._

"Son of a bitch."

_I'm sorry Olivia. I'll meet you at One PP, at the front desk, don't say a word without me ok?_

"Ok Captain. Thank you."

Olivia hung up the phone and blew out a breath.

"What was that about?"

"What does Bart Ganzel know about what happened the night Carissa was killed?" Olivia asked ignoring the question.

"What do you mean?"

"Please Brian, the truth I need to know."

"Why?"

"Because I have to go to One PP to be questioned about our relationship, my guess is you'll be questioned too, now what does Bart know?"

"Nothing." Brian said firmly. "I swear to you Liv, I left him when he told us too, when he received a phone call from Carissa I left and I came to you and slept with you and then I was in the shower when Cragen called."

"So he doesn't know you were with me that night?"

"No." It was obvious he was telling the truth.

"Ok. So what do I do?"

"Tell them the truth."

"Oh yeah and then what?" Olivia asked, she was beyond stressed.

"Then nothing. You and I have been friends for years Olivia, it doesn't matter about thirteen years apart. We slept with each other that night we slept with each other thirteen years ago and I hope when I'm healed I'll get to sleep with you over and over again." Brian replied and Olivia smiled, he was so much more mature now than he was thirteen years ago.

"But telling them I slept with you while the investigation was pending…"

"Will do nothing. We slept with each other that night, then when the shit hit the fan we were co-workers, that's it. Now the case is over we're going to try and give things ago… or at least I think we are."

"Ok and I think we are too."

"You need to go." He sighed.

"I'll be back as soon as I'm done." Olivia smiled leaning in and kissing him again.

"Text me when you get to One PP."

"I will."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks again for all your support I hope you continue to enjoy this story!**

Captain Harris met Olivia at the front desk of One Police Plaza. He smiled reassuringly at her. Olivia had been reluctant to like this temporary Captain but he'd really proven himself by letting the guys secretly prove Cragen's innocence while somehow still trying to turn a blind eye and run the unit.

"Detective." He nodded in greeting.

"Captain." She replied dryly, he'd never be her Captain, it would be Cragen all the way for her.

"Are we expecting a lawyer or union rep?"

"No Sir." She replied. She was going to stand her ground and tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and hope it didn't bite her on the ass.

"Ok, Benson, sorry if I'm speaking out of turn but I can't fail to notice that you're wearing the same clothes as you were yesterday." He said with his head cocked to the side in amusement.

"I didn't go home last night." Olivia shrugged.

"After I told you to?"

"I didn't stay at the precinct either. Now it's been a long night, can we get this over with?" Olivia asked taking out her phone to text Cassidy.

"Benson I don't want any surprises when we go in there, anything that's going to come out I'd like to be warned ahead of time. Take a coffee with me?"

"Sure." She replied.

They both went to the cart outside and Olivia knew she would have to tell this stranger everything. She took a deep breath as they began to walk around the block, they had a good fifteen minutes before she would be questioned.

"So what do I need to know?" Harris asked as they walked.

"Cassidy and I were … were together the night Carissa was killed."

"Together as in? a bar? A club?"

"As in my bed." Olivia replied snapping.

"As in placid?"

"No." Olivia hissed. "Cassidy and I slept together, he was there when I got the call."

"First be blunt, don't pussy foot around this Olivia, tell them Cassidy and I had sex. I need to know was that it?"

"Yes." Olivia replied. "It was just that night, when Cragen called, I let Cassidy know, he left whenever he did. I didn't see him then till we were on the case."

"Did you have any personal contact with him while the investigation was on going?" He asked and Olivia shuddered, could she lie here? "Olivia, you need to be honest with me."

"Yes we had personal contact, but no I didn't sl… have sex with him again." She replied rubbing her hand across her forehead, she was more than stressed right now, the exhaustion was killing her and she needed a good night sleep.

"Then what?"

"Kissing? Talking? Do you need all the gory details here?"

"I have your back Detective but I need the truth, no surprises." He replied and Olivia knew he was sincere but he was a stranger, this would be hard enough if it was Cragen.

"All due respect Captain, but I know how to handle IAB."

"I know you do." He agreed. "But I am still your current commanding officer and I have to be in that room with you."

"Why is my personal relationship with Brian Cassidy being put on trial here?"

"So there is a personal relationship?"

"There is now." Olivia admitted. "Now the case is closed we've talked and we want to make a go of what we started thirteen years ago."

"So there was a relationship thirteen years ago?"

"No, it was a one night stand, we had sex, once." Olivia explained dryly, she hated this.

"Ok, let's go."

They went into IAB and Olivia was pissed to see Ed Tucker in the room. She walked in with her head held high knowing that she wasn't in any trouble, she had done nothing wrong.

"Please state your name for the record."

"Detective Olivia Benson, Manhattan Special Victims Unit." Olivia said her voice strong and firm.

"Also in the room Captain Steven Harris, interview conducted by Lieutenant Edward Tucker. Detective Benson you have waived your right to council and refused a union rep is this your own decision?"

"Yes." Olivia nodded firmly.

"What is your current relationship with Detective Brian Cassidy?" Ed wasted no time in jumping right in there.

"I don't think we've put a name on it." Olivia quipped, she wasn't going to play their little game.

"Is there a personal relationship?"

"Yes."

"Since when?"

"Technically about uh… twelve hours." She said looking at her watch.

"On the night Captain Donald Cragen called you and informed you of the body in his bed where were you?"

"At home."

"Alone?"

"No."

"Who was with you?"

"Brian Cassidy."

"Why?"

"He called me, said he had some free time asking if I was up for a catch up." Olivia wasn't going to play their game but she was playing her own, she wasn't making it easy for them either.

"So is that what you were doing? Catching up?"

"Yes."

"So you just talked?"

"I didn't say that."

"Detective Benson, this would go much quicker if you just told us what we wanted to know." Ed sighed, he had expected Olivia to come in with an answer and not piss him about but it was obvious that he was wrong.

"Brian… Detective Cassidy and I had a one night stand, we had sex the night Don Cragen called me about Carissa in his bed. He was in the shower, I told him I had to go and he could let himself out. The next time I saw Detective Cassidy was on the job, he was back UC and I was working." Olivia sighed, she just wanted to sleep she was so tired.

"And you had no contact with him on a personal level until yesterday?"

"Yes I did actually, when he was gunned down in front of me." Olivia replied harshly, she could still hear the gun blasting in her ears and Cassidy collapsing to the floor in front of her.

"Of course, tell us about that."

"A man that I… that I care deeply about was gunned down in front of me, he flat lined in the ambulance, the first chance I got I made sure he knew that I had stronger feelings for him than just co-workers." Olivia hissed.

"How?"

"What?"

"How did you make sure he knew you cared deeply for him?"

"I… I kissed him, we talked and we kissed." Olivia replied hating how she had to bring her laundry out in public.

"So you talked and kissed and then what?"

"Then nothing, I got caught up in the case and I didn't see him until last night." Olivia replied and it was obvious Ed didn't believe her.

"Ganzel believes that Cassidy paid you for sex."

"Excuse me?" Olivia spat before swallowing the bile rising in her throat.

"Bart Ganzel…"

"I heard you." She replied her hand up stopping Tucker in his tracks. "He's saying that I'm a prostitute. I get it. But believe me I have never received money for sexual favours and Brian Cassidy and I go back thirteen years, he's not just some man, he's a man I had a sexual relationship with thirteen years ago and a man I am having a relationship with now, there is no cash transaction and I am absolutely appalled that you even had the audacity to ask me that." Olivia was fuming anger.

"Apologies Detective Benson but you understand that these questions have to be asked." Tucker at least had the decency to look apologetic. "I also have to ask… did Brian Cassidy ever tell you, in private, about his work with Bart Ganzel, when not discussing the case."

"No." Olivia replied. "Our pillow talk consisted of thirteen years apart. Not that it's any of your business. Now are we done?"

"For now. I'll need your gun and shield."

"You're suspending me?"

"Pending police investigation yes, we'll need to talk to Brian Cassidy and your co-workers and then if what you said is true then I don't see why you won't get your shield back." Tucker replied and Olivia took the two objects off and placed them carefully on the desk.

"Detective Benson?" Harris asked seeing her hesitant to give the gun.

"Brian Cassidy seems to think that I have a reason to be armed at all times right now." Olivia said quietly. "He thinks that there may be someone after me."

"And do you think that there's someone after you?" Lieutenant Tucker asked knocking the record button off.

"I don't know. Considering everything we've been through in the past couple of weeks nothing would surprise me." Olivia admitted, these two weren't close to her, she didn't give a shit if they thought she was weak.

"The top guys are in prison."

"But their muscle is still out there and I'm sure there are people who owe both Ganzel and Delia favours. I would be far more comfortable if Detective Benson kept a hold of her gun and her shield." Harris said.

"Fine, but you're on a desk Detective Benson."

"Thank you." She replied breathing a little freer. "Do I have to stay away from Detective Cassidy?"

"No, my officers should be done by now." Tucker replied. "You can go."

Harris and Olivia both left the room taking a deep breath once outside. Olivia couldn't believe what had just happened but she was grateful to both Harris and Tucker for allowing her to keep her gun.

"Go home, get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow." Harris said.

"Thank you Captain." She said as he began walking away.

"If there's a hint of anyone being after you Benson, I want to know ok?"

"Yes Sir." Olivia nodded still feeling very grateful to the man for helping her keep her gun.

"Do you want a protective detail? I could have one organised."

"No." Olivia replied. "No I think I'm ok, I'm just paranoid."

"I think we all have a reason to be paranoid Olivia, you especially." Harris sighed. "Just go home or wherever and get some sleep."

"Thanks." Olivia smiled as he signalled down a taxi for her.

On the ride over to the hospital where Olivia had decided to go rather than home she thought about Elliot Stabler. There was no way he didn't know about what happened to Cragen, unless he was out of the country which was highly unlikely seeing as he didn't have a passport up until a few years ago when he had to go abroad for a case. She found she missed him more and more during the case, someone who would fight just as hard and just as long as she had to prove Cragen's innocence. The one thing she did know was that she had a future ahead of her, and that future was with SVU and hopefully with Brian Cassidy.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **

Cassidy was grateful when the two IAB officers left his room. He couldn't believe what he had been asked about his private relationship with Olivia but he'd done as he had told her and told the truth, all he could do now is have faith that she would do the same.

"Cassidy you got a moment?"

He lifted his head surprised and annoyed to see Nick Amaro in the door of his room.

"You hear to pull a gun on me again because I've just had a fight with two bullets I don't need another." He said shifting a little in his bed.

"No." Nick replied. "I'm here to apologise."

"Oh?"

"I shouldn't have acted the way I did, it was wrong of me and I'm sorry." Nick said a little sheepish.

"Ok. Is that everything?" He asked just as Olivia entered the room.

"Uh, yeah, that's everything." Nick said turning to look at Olivia too, he knew she was wearing the same thing as the previous day too and he was a little disgusted at the fact, it hadn't been twenty four hours since they had closed the case and she'd obviously been somewhere other than home.

"Nick." Olivia nodded as she walked into the room straight towards Cassidy.

"Benson." He replied as she walked past him, she was a bit frustrated at hearing him use her surname instead of her first name, they'd been on first name terms since he'd saved her life all those weeks ago.

"Hey baby." Cassidy decided to play up to the fact that Nick Amaro was in the room.

"Hey everything go ok?" Olivia asked leaning over him and kissing him gently.

"Absolutely fine. You?"

"Perfect." She smiled. "Nick you good?" She asked, he was a little stunned and rooted to the spot.

"Yeah. I should go."

"Wait." Olivia said turning back to him. "Can I talk to you a moment?"

"Uh sure." He replied and Olivia gratefully followed him outside.

"Are we ok Nick?" She asked him.

"I don't see why not." He replied with a shrug that spoke more than his words.

"You know, this was a hard one for all of us, if we don't let it break us it won't." Olivia said gently and Nick let his eyes meet hers for the first time, he was still furious with Olivia and the rest of SVU for the way they had handled everything during the case.

"You thought I tampered with the case, you thought I was holding something back from you about Carissa when I wasn't. How do you think that makes me feel Liv? You turned your back on me. I'm your partner!"

"No I didn't Nick. I had your back except for when you turned on Cassidy because I knew you were wrong." Olivia replied clearly offended at what Nick was insinuating.

"Really? Well what I saw was you and the rest of the gang deciding I should take a step back. We were all on the same side…"

"Yes all Nick, that includes Cassidy, you turned on him by pulling your gun on him and what did it achieve? Nothing! What if Cassidy reported you Nick?"

"You really think he'd do that?" Nick asked angrily.

"No I don't but he could, Cassidy's good police, I told you that but your behaviour through this case has made me question you."

"I'm requesting a new partner." He hissed.

"You do that." Olivia replied. "But I've been at SVU 14 years my case closure rate is higher than yours, one of us will have to leave SVU and I promise you Amaro it won't be me." On that note she turned around and went back into Brian's room leaving Nick with a lot to think about.

"Everything really go ok?" Cassidy asked as Olivia climbed onto the bed kicking off her shoes in the process.

"They wanted to take my gun and suspend me but Harris stuck up for me when I mentioned I needed it in case of any threats due to recent events, they let me keep it but I'm on desk duty as of tomorrow." Olivia explained as Cassidy ran his fingers softly through her hair, he loved the feel of her hair beneath his fingers, these were moments when he showed a little less of the rough around the edges him and a little more of the romance no one would believe existed within him.

"That's fucked up." Cassidy sighed.

"Yeah but it's just so they can compare our statements make sure that they match up and then we'll be ok." Olivia replied through a yawn.

"You're tired."

"Exhausted." She smiled sleepily.

"Then go to sleep right here. I'll be here when you wake up." He replied with a smirk making her laugh softly.

"Ok." She said snuggling up into his side, careful not to hurt him. He continued to play with her hair while she fell into a heavy sleep.

Brian watched the gentle rise and fall of her chest and made a promise to himself that he wasn't going to screw this up this time and that he wasn't going to let Olivia push him away either. Her problem last time had been that they worked together, well they technically didn't now so he hoped that this would really work that they could have something special thirteen years late.

"Brian Cassidy."

"Captain Cragen." Brian said in surprise, this wasn't someone he had expected to show up in his room. "Please don't make me wake her." He said signalling to Olivia who was dead to the world.

"No she needs to sleep, I don't think she's slept a wink since all of this kicked off." He said quietly, he really didn't want to wake Olivia up right now. "How are you?"

"Healing." Cassidy replied. "You good?"

"I'm better now I'm on the outside." Cragen joked, he could make jokes because it was the only way he could really handle what had happened.

"If I'd known Capt…"

"I know Brian." Cragen interrupted knowing what he was going to say. "If you'd known and kept it from her, she'd have put a third bullet into you and made sure you didn't survive it."

"Too right." He agreed running his fingers through her hair once again, he knew she liked it, even in her sleep she sighed contently at the gesture.

"Have they said how long you're going to be in here?" Don asked slipping into the chair beside the bed sensing that Brian didn't mind him being there.

"A couple more days, thing is I live alone, they don't want to release me to struggle around so we'll see. I may have to go stay with my Mom for a while till I'm back on my feet." Brian explained unaware he was stroking his finger across Olivia's cheek though Don had clearly noticed. "What about you? They said when you can go back to work?"

"A few more days. I have to go to court to have the charges formally dropped then I need to start mandatory counselling, and be stationed in One PP for a while before they'll consider me back for SVU, especially since Captain Harris has begun to make his mark though the Morris Commission aren't happy that while he was running the squad the squad were running around proving my innocence, the only person who was allowed to be doing that was Olivia and that was because the head of the public integrity unit asked for her and turned out she was as crooked as the rest of them." Don chuckled.

"She didn't stop fighting for you." Brian smiled looking down at Olivia.

"I know." Don smiled too, he was so proud of Olivia, he always had been but he'd told her to give up on him and she didn't. She was head strong and fought for what she believed in. "What about you, have you decided what you're going to do when you're back on your feet?"

"I don't know." He shrugged. "But I do know if things between Olivia and I are going to work I won't be going back undercover, I couldn't put her at risk like that."

"That's very honourable of you." Don pointed out. "I mean you must have loved working for Bart Ganzel."

"I did, I mean working undercover reminds me a lot of play acting in school, or cops and robbers where you'd switch from one to the other, I enjoyed doing it, the secrecy and the acting out a role you'd never have been able to play in real life though of course this is real life, I loved making sure I toed the line, didn't get caught in anything too crooked. Some UC's end up having to kill or be killed and lose their shields, we've seen it happen. I'm glad I didn't have to do anything like that, I don't think I could live with myself." He sounded like an excited child but Don knew that he meant it, ever damn word.

Don Cragen could see that the man in front of him wasn't the rookie he'd helped on his way to realise that SVU wasn't for him thirteen year before.

"You ever consider coming back to SVU?" Cragen eventually asked.

"It crossed my mind a few times. But I don't know whether it was because I wanted to do the job or because I wanted the chance to talk to Olivia again." He admitted shyly.

"Now you can talk to Olivia, would you consider it?" Don asked.

"Fraternization. I wouldn't be able to and keep things going with Olivia."

"You wanna bet? You helped to bring down the white shirts and the politician's and the bent cops that were all involved in this scandal, you did that with her, the new commission is going to be bending over backwards to make sure the two of you are happy in your work for a long time coming." Don chuckled, it was true, the rumours about Olivia and Brian had already begun to surface and the phone call he'd made earlier that morning before coming to see Cassidy had also helped him secure the two detectives if that's what they wanted. "Think about it. I have a feeling there may be a spot opening real soon."

"How come?"

"Two of the Detectives, Amaro and Rollins, they've only been with us a year, Amaro NYPD all the way but Rollins isn't. I don't think her dedication is the same as someone who's through and through for us, the same thin blue line isn't there for her. I think maybe, just maybe, this case will have shaken her up more than she'd like to admit." He replied honestly, it was just what Captain Harris had told him on the phone of course but he wasn't going to say that to Brain Cassidy.

"I'll think about it." Brian said looking down at Olivia. "And I think she should be involved in this decision too." He said quietly.

"I think you're absolutely right son. Think about it, talk to Olivia about it and just get back to me. Neither one of us will be at SVU for some time anyway so we have time to play with. Just don't wait too long, as soon as Rollins goes, realises that NYPD SVU isn't for her, they'll be trying to fill the spot and there will be a lot of green rookies wanting to prove themselves and where better than SVU."

Brian smiled and nodded, he wasn't sure if he could stomach working for SVU but he would sure as hell give it a try, the three years he'd been under he may not have committed that many crimes and nothing more than misdemeanours but he'd seen enough and witnessed enough to possibly be able to handle it and with Olivia, who would know if he didn't try?

"Would I get to work with Liv?" He eventually asked.

"I don't know, maybe that would be one of the conditions the Morris Commission would give, that you could come to SVU but not work with Olivia but between you and me, things between her and Amaro will never be the same and she's going to need a partner she trusts to have her back." Cragen replied honestly, he'd had the low down he knew the deal and he was as sure he wanted Benson with Cassidy, he somehow just knew it would be a good partnership, with a lot of trust, however would they be able to pick the vics over each other? Somehow he doubted it but it was the same with Liv and El and they went twelve years.

"Ok, we'll see. But in all honesty Cap' I don't trust that Nick kid to have her back either."

"Does that have anything to do with the fact Nick thought you were playing for the wrong team?" Cragen asked honestly.

"He held a gun to my head, locked me in a bathroom. Think about what he could do to Livia if he could do that to me? He lost his temper with her and he upset her and I don't like that. I saw her cry Captain for the first time I saw her cry and one of the things she was crying about was Nick Amaro and if it ever happens again he'll be one sorry assed cop because I won't let him dish it out on Liv." Brian hissed, Nick had really pissed him off, it didn't matter to him that Nick had been to apologise, until he apologised to Olivia he wasn't forgiven.

"Well right now I'm not there Brian so there's not much I can do about it but Olivia's a professional, she can handle herself out there pretty well." Cragen replied though in all honesty he wanted nothing more than to invite Nick Amaro into his office and string him up by the balls for upsetting Olivia.

"I know, she's riding a desk right now so I guess that's half the battle." Brian replied once again running his fingers through her hair, it seemed to calm him down and he loved the way he shoulders would rise a little at the first contact and sigh in contentment the whole time he ran his fingers through.

"She's on desk duty?" Cragen asked and Brian nodded, his eyes still glued to Olivia's sleeping face, her nose gently pressing into his ribs caused a small flurry of air through his thin gown and he loved it, it was like he could feel her doing more than breathing. "Do you know why?"

"Yeah because Bart Ganzel said that Liv and I were going at it together all through the case, even said I paid her for sex I mean he obviously doesn't know Liv." Brian spat, it was obvious he was pissed off at that comment.

"You were both questioned?"

"Yeah first thing this morning. Olivia had to go to One PP and IAB came here to question me. It's a load of shit Cap, I swear it, Livia would never have put a case in jeopardy like that." Brian said firmly.

"I know Brian." Don agreed. "As long as the two of you told the truth you're good, they'll clear you both in a few days."

"Yeah." Brian agreed.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: So THANK YOU so much to all of you reading this, I know there aren't many Bensidy (or whatever y'all are calling it) shippers out there but this is just for those of us who want Liv happy, in a perfect world we'd have EO but most of us have faced the fact it is never going to happen and are looking elsewhere for Livia to find Love. I like whoever is matched with Liv just so long they don't hurt her (hence me never getting to write a Livid story they broke up before I got the chance) lol! So anyway enjoy!**

"Hmm how long was I asleep?" Olivia asked as she began waking up in Brian's arms. He looked down at her and loved the way she looked up at him innocently, like nothing or no one worried her, she had no cares. Of course he knew it was because she'd just woken and she would soon be filled with worry, the weight of the world on her shoulders.

"Two hours, you just missed Cragen."

"Cragen was here? Why didn't you wake me?" She asked horrified at the concept of her Captain seeing her sleeping again.

"Because you'd only just gone to sleep Liv, man you'll conk out if you don't get some more rest you know that right. You've been burning the candle at both ends and it's not healthy."

"Yeah, yeah." She teased making him laugh a little. "I'm going to head home, get showered and changed you want me to pick you up anything?"

"Nah I'm good."

"You sure? I could sneak in some Pizza or Chinese, whatever it is you fancy…" She sang making him chuckle lightly.

"Pizza sounds good, you know what I like." He smiled.

"I do. I'll be a couple of hours." She told him as she climbed off the bed.

"You gonna leave without giving me a kiss?" He asked and she turned around laughing softly.

"Of course not I was just going to put on my shoes." She replied and he shrugged mocking nonchalance. "Grr you can be a pain in my ass sometimes Cassidy." She said leaning her elbow above his head so she hovered over him.

"Oh baby I'd like to be a pain in much more than your ass." He said earning him a playful glare.

"That's … disgusting." She eventually settled for.

"Is it? Then Detective Benson, why are you grinning?"

"Shut up." She laughed before leaning in to kiss him. "Mmh, now I'm going. I won't be long."

"Shoot me a text when you get home."

"I will." She smiled as she headed for the door, she hadn't had anyone give a damn like this since Elliot had left.

Olivia went straight home looking forward to getting out of clothes she'd worn about thirty six years. She was feeling more relaxed and happy than she had been in weeks but the feeling instantly vanished when she saw Amanda Rollins sat outside her apartment door.

"Rollins?" She asked making the blonde's head snap up from between her knees.

"Hey Liv." She said pushing herself to standing.

"How long have you been out here?" Olivia asked heading to unlock the door.

"A few hours I guess, I came over as soon as Harris arrived back in the squad room."

"You sat here for at least…. Four hours?"

"I guess." She shrugged.

"You want a coffee?" Olivia asked.

"Do you mind? If you're busy or whatever I could catch you…"

"Nonsense, come on it has to be important if you've sat here for four hours." Olivia smiled reassuringly.

Amanda seemed to sag with relief as she stepped into the apartment. She needed to talk to someone and having no family close by and most of her co-workers being male she had no choice but to speak with Olivia. Though the two weren't the closest rarely working as partners Amanda knew that she could trust Olivia and that was why she'd sat outside her apartment for four hours.

"Help yourself to cream and sugar." Olivia said placing a hot black coffee in front of the younger detective.

"Thanks Liv. Sorry you've been obviously out all night I'm sure you just want to crawl into bed." Amanda said not at all criticising the older woman just apologising for being at her home unannounced.

"No I'm good, I just need to send a text and then we'll go sit." She said signalling the couch.

Amanda added cream and sugar to her coffee while Olivia sent a text off to Cassidy telling him she was home safe and that she might be a little longer because of her guest.

"Come on." Olivia smiled softly relaxing Amanda a little more.

Olivia sank into the armchair while Amanda sat on the couch on the end closest to Olivia as if she had a secret. Being on a ninety degree angle to each other was much more efficient for the conversation than being on the other side of the room to one another.

"So what's up?" Olivia asked as Amanda sipped at her coffee.

"I'm thinking of leaving SVU. I just don't know if now is the right time to leave and I feel I need someone to talk to." Amanda explained getting straight to the point. "I don't know what to do Olivia."

"Why do you want to leave Amanda? I thought you liked it at SVU." Olivia replied not understanding what Amanda really wanted from her.

"This whole thing with Cragen has freaked me out and through it all I had no one to go and talk to who wasn't involved, no one I could confide in when I needed someone and no one to talk sense into me when I was thinking maybe just maybe there was a chance my boss was guilty."

"Amanda, you're not the only one who was in that situation, we all were, Fin is single as is Munch and me and then Nick's wife left. Us at SVU we're a right mixed up bunch but we're a family and we always have each other's back. Didn't you know that when you came here, that I'd have your back?" Olivia asked knowing that she was making sense to Amanda.

"I know Olivia, I do. I mean I know we're all close and that's why I came to you but I just don't think it's ever going to be the same again. Munch has been at it with the conspiracy theories and considering we just went through one of the biggest NYPD conspiracies I think it's normal that everything he's saying has me thinking and looking over my shoulder." Amanda said visibly shaken.

"Amanda." Olivia said pressing her hand to Amanda's knee. "Everyone is paranoid right now. Me, Cassidy and IAB. Ed Tucker was going to suspend me and take my gun but thanks to Captain Harris who is also paranoid I got to keep my gun, something tells me that even Tucker is paranoid."

"Right." Amanda replied.

"Now isn't the time to make drastic decisions like that Amanda. See a shrink, or a councillor or somebody but don't jump into something you might regret later." Olivia told her gently.

"Have you ever wanted to leave? Just go and not look back?"

Olivia snorted because to her this was a ridiculous question.

"More times than you could possibly imagine. However after a good night sleep and talking to someone I usually find that it's just me letting my mind get the best of me. I love my job, I love the people I work with, I am what I do." Olivia replied but that didn't help Amanda at all.

"Does it make me failiure if I pack up and head back home?"

"No." Olivia replied. "Manhattan SVU is not the same as any other SVU unit. New York was the first state to have SVU units because it was the state that needed people to investigate sex crimes the most. Rape was one of the most common crimes, almost as common as breaking and entering. It's one of the toughest SVU squads because rape is so high here, it's more common than murder, sex crimes are more common than regular homicides."

"I get that Liv I really do but I don't think I can carry on doing this." She admitted quietly. "I walked here with my hand on my gun looking over my shoulder every five steps, I'm that scared."

"Hey you're not the only one. I sat in a cab on the way back making sure I could see behind me with my hand mirror in case I was being followed, we're all worried, we're all paranoid, we're all scared Amanda and right now we need to stick with each other more than ever." Olivia replied just as her phone began to ring, seeing the caller ID she knew she had to answer it. "Hold on. Benson."

_Hey Olivia, if you're not busy could you call by?_

"Uh sure, I just need to have a shower and get changed and call by the hospital, how does… half five sound?" Olivia asked rubbing her forehead, so much for chilling with Brian and Pizza, not that she minded.

_Sure. Thank you Liv, seriously._

"Hey anything, any time, you know that."

_I do, I just don't want you to think I'm taking advantage._

"I know you're not."

_Ok, I'll see you around half five._

"I'll see you then." Olivia said before hanging up. "Sorry." Olivia said to Amanda.

"It's fine, I should be going." She said standing up.

"You don't have to go."

"You have things to do Liv, I shouldn't have wasted your time."

"Just promise me you won't jump into this… here wait…" She hurried into the kitchen and went into her paper drawer which was filled with take out menus more than anything else. She grabbed a business card and walked over to Amanda.

"She's a friend, just tell her you need to talk and she'll listen." Olivia said handing over the card.

"Will she help?" Amanda asked looking down at the business card.

"She'll talk you around in circles, make you come at it from every angle and help you make an informed decision, she's one of the best Amanda. Just think about it ok." Olivia said gently, she knew what the young woman was going through, she was going through it herself too because at this very moment returning to SVU was the last thing on her mind.

"Ok." Amanda smiled before shocking the older detective by pulling her into a hug. Olivia wrapped her arms around Amanda and held her tight guessing she needed a motherly figure at this moment and that's why she reached out to her rather than anyone else. "Thank you Liv."

"No problem, and call if you want to talk again. I don't want you to have to wait on my doorstep for four hours again ok?"

"Sure thing." She smiled before heading out the door allowing Olivia to finally go and have her shower.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Turns out apparently I was wrong and it was Florence Nightingale that Brian called Liv, ah well we're sticking with Nurse Nightingale for this story because I think it's cuter. **

After getting showered and dressed Olivia left her apartment to go and pick up a pizza for Brian. As she stood in line waiting for her order she gazed out of the window, her attention caught on a silver Mercedes, just like the one that had been behind the taxi cab when she was brought from One PP to the Hospital and then again from the Hospital to her apartment. She grabbed her phone knowing that she was probably just paranoid dialled a familiar number.

_Captain Harris Special Victims._

"Sir it's Benson."

_Everything ok there Benson?_

"Uh I think so, you haven't by any chance gone against my wishes and put a protective detail on me have you?"

_No Ma'am, I would have told you if I had. Why?_

"It's fine I think I'm just paranoid." Olivia told him turning back to the counter. "I'm seeing things I guess, ok thank you Sir."

_Benson do you feel like you're being followed?_

"No I've just seen what I believe to be the same car three times, once from One PP to the Hospital and once again from the hospital to my apartment and now outside the takeout I'm at."

_Pick up the plate and text it through to me. _

"Yes Sir."

Olivia hung up the phone. From the position she was in there was no way she could see the plates so she would have to wait until after she got the pizza and left the store. It was ten minutes later when she left the place and realised that she could in no way look at the plates on the silver Mercedes without making it completely obvious to the occupiers. Instead she flagged down a cab and hoped it would follow her. The two pizza's sat warm on her lap while she used her compact mirror to watch the road behind her. She spotted a silver Mercedes about four cars back but from the angle she couldn't see the plates and she couldn't actually tell if it was the same car. This was driving her mad, was she being followed or not and if she was who by, had someone put a police protective detail on her without her knowledge? Or was this someone from Bart Ganzel or Delia Wilson's team taking their time to follow her before they eventually killed her? Whatever it was she wasn't going to act like she didn't know it was there.

She paid the cabbie and hopped out of the vehicle while checking her surroundings. It wasn't a far walk from the drop off area outside the hospital into the security of the front doors but with every step she felt a chill up her spine and the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end, was she really that paranoid? Or did she have some sixth sense?

"Hey baby." Brian smiled at her as soon as she stepped in the room.

"Hey." She smiled, she wasn't going to let him know about the Silver Mercedes, not while he was stuck in a hospital room unable to do anything about it. "I can't stay long, I need to go by Cragen's."

"What? Why?" Brian asked as Olivia lay the pizza's on the table beside his bed.

"I think he might just be a little lonely right now Brian. I've been in prison and coming out is hard."

"You've been to prison?" He asks shocked, thirteen years apart really meant thirteen years without knowledge of one another.

"Yeah, Undercover but not even the guards knew that." Olivia replied. "I was taken to court, prosecuted and thrown in Sealview."

"Oh shit! You helped bring down that Captain right?"

"Yeah." Olivia said shivering at the thought of Lowell Harris, the man who almost raped her.

"What is it?" He asked seeing her grim expression.

"Nothing." She replied shaking her head and putting on a smile. "Just not so nice remembering the time I spent in Sealview is all."

"I can imagine. I've done nothing more than a couple of night in Rikers so I wouldn't know." Brian replied linking his hand in hers. "So you gonna eat some Pizza before you run off Nurse Nightingale?"

"Absolutely I'm starving." Olivia replied glad the conversation had been dropped but she knew if things were going to work between her and Brian she would have to someday tell him about Lowell Harris, she didn't want to have any secrets from him.

The couple happily ate the two Pepperoni Pizza's before Olivia had to run off again. She kissed Brian lightly and promised she would return once she was done with Cragen and he was fine with that. In all honesty she was exhausted again and wanted nothing more than to go home and crawl in bed and sleep but she wanted to be with Brian too.

As she left the hospital she flagged down a cab and once again began watching the cars behind her. This time there was a Silver Mercedes like before but also was a maroon Sedan, like the one Elliot and she used to ride in, it had been there when she had left the Pizza Parlour but she had thought nothing of it at the time, just a coincidence. Now her thoughts were in overdrive, what were the chances that there were two police details on her?


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Turns out apparently I was wrong and it was Florence Nightingale that Brian called Liv, ah well we're sticking with Nurse Nightingale for this story because I think it's cuter. **

When Cragen let Olivia in she was quick to shut the door and put a chain on it. She knew now she wasn't paranoid and at least one person was following her.

"Olivia are you ok?"

"Do you know if anyone has put a PD on me?" Olivia asked him knowing that he might have put it on there himself, he still had that power.

"Not to my knowledge but I don't think it's a bad thing." Cragen replied as they headed into the kitchen where a fresh pot of coffee was waiting for her.

"I'm being followed Don, by at least one if not two different cars." Olivia told him feeling the need to tell someone about this, someone she could trust.

"Have you called it in?"

"I called Harris, he said he hadn't put a detail on me, told me to get the car's plates but I can't see the plates to get them. There's two cars Don, one appeared after I got pizza for Brian the other has been following me since first thing this morning." Olivia explained to him.

"Call Harris again, he may have put a detail on you since you asked him about the first."

"He'll think I'm paranoid."

"Aren't you though? I'm sure he is too Olivia, for a few weeks we're all going to be on edge." Cragen replied sympathetically, and Olivia knew he was in the same boat, he'd already been stitched up once, what were the chances of it happening again?

"I'll call him later if the cars are still around." Olivia shrugged accepting the coffee he poured for her. "I just hate this Don, the last time I was this paranoid was eleven years ago! When I was the intended target and I think then I had the right to be the paranoid one."

"You don't think you have a right to be paranoid this time?" Don inquired as they headed through to the living room.

"Don't turn all shrink on me Don, I'd give George a call if I wanted my head shrinked." Olivia replied with a chuckle, she really missed her friend and psychiatrist during this case, maybe he would have been a valuable asset to the case.

"Have you spoken to George?" Don asked as they sat down in the living room.

"I haven't no." Olivia replied sadly. "I'll give him a call tomorrow, see what he's up to I suspect he knows what's been going on for us."

"I'm sure he does." Don agreed and Olivia could see a hint of sadness flicker in his eyes.

"He would have been here if he could have been Don." Olivia told him knowing what he was thinking.

"I know." Don replied with a shrug, he was really missing his friend. He'd confided in George just like Olivia had. "How's Brian?"

"Yeah he's good, hoping to get out of hospital soon but his Mother isn't sure she can take care of him. I think I'm going to offer him to come to mine, I have enough hours saved up."

"That's generous of you." Don smiled.

"It would just be easier for us I think, I hate having to visit him in the hospital, he looks so weak and vulnerable in that bed all the time." Olivia replied knowing that having Brian over would be perfect for her but she wasn't sure if it was too fast either.

"Have you asked him yet?"

"No, I don't know how to." Olivia blushed, she wasn't known for being uncomfortable with people. As a detective her people skills were grade A.

"The worst he can do is say no Olivia." Don informed her.

"I know, I just don't want him to say no I guess." Olivia shrugged. "So how was AA?"

"I didn't go." Don admitted, he wasn't going to lie to Olivia about anything that was a promise he'd made to himself in prison when she'd found out about the escorts.

"How come?" Olivia asked not sure if it was any of her business but asking anyway.

"I'm paranoid I'm being followed, whether it's by someone after me or someone from the force such as IAB or Integrity and the last thing I need to do is give any of them more ammo against me." Don replied honestly. Olivia understood his point too, SVU was going to be under the microscope for a long time coming which would be hard seeing as they'd only just come from underneath it after Jenna's shooting.

"I understand Don, just promise me you'll call me whenever you want to hit the bottle." Olivia said knowing how easy it would be for him to crawl inside a vodka bottle if he so wished.

"I will." He smiled. "It was much easier today being able to go out and do things. I called by at the hospital…"

"I know Brian said." Olivia said turning pink again at the mere thought of being seen curled up in Brian's side fast asleep. Don smiled, it had been nice for him to see Olivia looking so peaceful with a combination of vulnerability, he'd never seen that side of his Detective before.

"Yeah, I just need to keep occupied I guess." He explained.

"Amanda was at my apartment earlier." Olivia said knowing Cragen wanted to be kept up to date with the squad.

"Oh how come? I didn't think you two were close." Cragen replied, he'd always suspected some animosity from Olivia towards the younger female he'd bought into the squad, he thought she felt like she was being replaced, pushed out somewhat when in actual fact he'd brought Amanda in hoping Olivia could take some more time to herself and have some sense of a personal life now that Elliot had gone.

"She wanted to talk, I actually think she wanted a mother figure to talk too." Olivia said with a snort, she could never see herself as anyone's mother figure.

"Is she ok?" Don asked, he cared for each and every one of his detectives as if they were his children.

"I think so." Olivia nodded. "She's a little shaken but of course that doesn't surprise me. She's not sure if Manhattan SVU is for her anymore."

"She wants to leave?"

"At the moment she's not sure what she wants." Olivia shrugged, how else could she have worded it. "I told her to take some time, not rush into any life changing decision and maybe she'd feel different in a few days."

"Good advice." Don smiled, he wasn't sure if Amanda Rollins was cut out for Manhattan SVU and in all honesty if she was going to go he'd rather her go sooner rather than later. "Have you heard from anyone else?"

"No." Olivia sighed. "I'll see them all tomorrow though so it's all good."

"Yeah. I have to be in court tomorrow afternoon."

"What time?"

"Two pm."

"I'll be there." Olivia smiled. "We'll all be there."

"Only if you want to be." He smiled back, he wanted nothing more than to have his squad behind him when he was finally cleared of all of the charges and the false accusations.

"Do you have any idea how long it would take for you to get back to SVU?"

"I think it will be a few weeks unless Harris' messes up."

"I could arrange that." Olivia quipped making the older man laugh heartily. "Honestly I could." She said in all seriousness.

"Don't you like him?"

"He seems like an alright guy but you're the Captain of SVU not him, and we all want you back Don." Olivia replied making Cragen smile. "You've been there almost every day for fourteen years, when Munch would take over it was only ever for a few days until you came back."

"This is a little different this time Olivia." Cragen sighed, he wasn't actually one hundred percent sure he'd get to go back to SVU because of all of this, it didn't look good having an SVU Captain who'd hired escorts.

"I know that." She shrugged. "But we all want you back Don and we'll do whatever it takes to get you in your office where you belong."

"Thanks Liv, that means more to me than you'll ever know." Don smiled as Olivia finished off her coffee. "You should head off, I'm sure Brian will want to see you before you go home. You're back in work tomorrow right?"

"Yeah back to the office tomorrow, on the desk of course but it's still better than being completely suspended."

"Tucker did you a favour."

"Yup, who'd have thought it?" Olivia smiled as she got to her feet.

"Thanks for coming over Liv." He smiled, Olivia knew he just wanted some company for a little while and she was glad to be able to provide it.

"When Brian's back on his feet maybe we can all go out for dinner or something." She suggested as they headed for the door.

"That's a great idea." Don smiled opening the door so Olivia could step out, he completely loved the idea because the reason he didn't do so well alone was because he was stuck in his house or the office, avoiding bars and clubs alone because he didn't drink.

Olivia leant in to hug the Captain. Neither one of them was paying attention to the Silver Mercedes driving past until they heard one gun fire, followed by another, followed by another. After the first Olivia pulled Cragen down to the floor with her, a reflex she'd had from years on the job, the amount of near misses with bullets she'd had over the years all thanks to her reflexes.

"Ah." Olivia groaned rolling off the Captain.

"Liv are you ok?" Cragen asked pushing himself to sitting as the Silver Mercedes tires squealed.

"10-13 10-13 We have an officer down I need a bus to …"

Olivia looked up to see Munch hovering above her. She pushed herself to sitting and placed her hand to her side, just beneath her rib cage right off to the side, she thought she must have hit it somehow on the way down to the ground.

"Olivia." Cragen gasped going behind her. "Lay back."

She lifted her fingers up to her face and saw the tell-tale red liquid coating her fingers.

"I was hit." She gasped laying back into her superior's lap.

"Baby Girl." Fin ran back breathless and fell to his knees beside her. "Shh." He cooed as she tried to focus on breathing. "Where were you hit Liv?" He asked.

"My back, left side." She managed to whimper.

Munch fell down beside Fin and helped roll Olivia to the side. Don ran his fingers through her hair gently while trying to keep her calm, they all knew as police officers that it was the panic that would get them killed. They'd learned that in the Academy, when injured, if they kept their heart rate steady the blood would flow a little slower than if they were panicked which would increase the heart rate in turn increasing the blood flow.

"This is going to hurt baby girl I'm so sorry, the bullet's gone through and through." Fin said, he pressed his jacket to her back before rolling her back to her back, the jacket on her injury.

"Ahh!" She screamed in agony, now the shock was wearing off the pain was kicking in.

"I'm sorry Liv, so sorry." Fin cooed as Don slipped his hand into Olivia's.

"Don." She wheezed, her breath was coming in shorter and sharper pants now.

"What is it Liv?"

"Tell Brian I'm sorry." She whispered closing her eyes hoping that the darkness would engulf her.

"No Olivia, you're going to tell him yourself." Don snapped making her eyes shoot open.

"I think I love him Don." She wheezed.

"I know." Don nodded. "I'm sure he loves you to Olivia, and you're going to get to tell him ok?"

The ambulance siren began wailing, heading in their direction.

"Come on Liv." Fin said making her eyes find his.

"What were you doing here?" Olivia asked.

"Protective detail ordered by Harris." He replied making her smile a little.

"Thank you." She said.

"For what?" He asked as Munch went to flag down the ambulance.

"Being here." She managed a weak smile. "At the hospital, go and tell Brian what happened?"

"Cassidy?"

"Yeah." Olivia nodded.

"Ok." He smiled and she returned it just as the ambulance screeched to a halt and two EMT's hurried to her side ready to get her to the hospital.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Sorry guys I uploaded this to the site days ago just forgot to add it onto the story! I am so dumb sometimes it's unreal! Promise not to make you wait so long again!**

At the hospital Olivia wished she could just drift into unconsciousness already. The pain was unbearable but she also knew the fact she was still conscious was a good thing.

"Detective Benson can you hear me?" A light flashed brightly in her eyes before a face peered over her. "Can you hear me?"

"Yeah." She croaked, her throat was so dry.

"Ok we've stemmed the bleeding we're going to take you up for an MRI scan to see what the damage is. It looks like you were hit right on the side going through and through fatty flesh only."

"Is that a good thing?"

"A very good thing, it means we'll just need to stich you up and have you on your way."

"Are you serious?" She asked not believing her luck at this moment.

"We'll keep you in overnight for observation but you're looking good. Is there anyone we can get for you before we take you up to MRI?"

"Don Cragen." She replied without a second thought.

"Ok I'll be right back." The doctor smiled before hurrying off.

Olivia focused on breathing, the pain was letting up a little and she knew it was the drugs kicking in to her system.

"Olivia." She turned her head to see her Captain rushing to her side. He snatched her hand in his own and leant over her. "Are you ok?"

"I'm good." She replied chuckling a little though it hurt, her voice sounded breathless and forced.

"Fin's with Brian. He's kicking off big time."

"Think they'll put us together for the night?" Olivia asked laughing.

"I'll see what I can do." He smiled back at her.

"Hey Cap they don't think the bullet's done much damage." She said.

"That's good."

"Could be back on my feet tomorrow."

"That's really good, you were lucky." He replied his eyes welling with tears.

"What's wrong?"

"You took that bullet Liv while protecting me." He said.

"And I'd do it over and over again Cap." She smiled. "Honestly I think the bullet was meant for me anyway, did Fin and Munch get the plates on the Merc?"

"Yeah, they're false."

"Great someone tried to kill me and we have no idea who it is." Olivia groaned.

"Harris has already brought in some uni's you're going to be under twenty four hour guard while you're in here, then you'll have a protective detail and twenty four hour outside your apartment when you go home and it's non-negotiable so don't try it Benson." He said and somehow Olivia knew it was Cragen's doing and not Harris'.

"Ok Detective we're going to take you up for an MRI now."

"I'll see you when you get back." Don smiled as the bed began to wheel away.

"You can come up with her." The Doctor smiled and he gave her hand a squeeze letting her know that he wasn't going anywhere.

"Did Munch get the bullet?"

"Yes and it's in the lab now at top priority." Don replied though he didn't want to talk about it he was amusing her, giving her something to think about other than the hole in her side.

"Good."

"You'll have to wait here till we're done." The doctor says. Don let go of her hand and she took a deep breath as she was taken into the room with the MRI Scanner.

She was placed in the machine and less than half an hour later she was back on the bed and wheeled out to where Don was waiting. He instantly took her hand again.

"So Doc what's the verdict?" Olivia asked as they wheeled back down the corridor.

"I'll have to look over the scan before we know but we're going to glue you back up."

"Glue?"

"And we're debating whether to staple you or sow you together again." The doctor replied and she groaned, that wasn't going to be pleasant.

"You're still fully conscious, that alone is a good thing, your body is weak from the loss of blood, we'll give you a pint when we get downstairs, now that your own veins have fused together and the bleeding has stemmed we'll be able to give you blood without worrying about it leaking straight out of you."

"That's not funny." Olivia replied making the Doctor smile. "Really not funny."

"You've got to say it is Liv." Don smiled as they turned into the ER.

"We'll have you stitched up soon and get some blood into you, do you feel woozy or weak?"

"I was shot what do you think?"

"It's the blood loss, it will do that to a person." She replied before hurrying off.

Olivia sighed, with the drugs in full swing inside her the pain was near nothing. It was the nausea and the weakness that was bothering her.

"Liv."

"Brian." She smiled as he was wheeled to her side curtsey of Fin.

"Are you ok?" He asked leaning over and taking her hand.

"I've been better." She replied with a smile as he kissed her hand softly.

"I'm sure you have." He smiled pushing himself up to standing.

"Sit down before you hurt yourself."

"Says you who's lying in a bed after being shot."

"Only once." She teased as he leant over the bed and kissed her softly.

"Yeah well I guess I just have twice as much bad luck, did you have to come join me?" He asked, both of them oblivious to the audience watching them.

"Couldn't help myself, I felt a little left out." She joked as he leant down and kissed her again.

"Ok Detective Benson, we're going to stitch you up and pump some blood into you now." A nurse smiled coming into the room.

Olivia nodded and Brian sank back into his seat but kept his grip on Olivia's hand. She had to be glued and stitched on both sides. It was horrible for her, the pain worse as the drugs began wearing off. Brian continued to hold her hand and kept her calm while Munch, Fin, Don and Harris looked on, surprised at seeing Olivia in this way with tears in her eyes and a painful smile on her face as Brian made her laugh.

"You know you'll have to come and share a room with me and we can eat pudding." Brian joked making her laugh a little momentarily forgetting the pain.

"I hate hospital pudding." She said.

"Yeah me too it's distasteful. You'll have to get one of your cronies to get us pizza because you won't be able to anymore." He joked.

"Good point, as nauseous as I am pizza sure sounds good right now." She laughed, it was the only thing she could do other than cry. "Ow!"

"I'm sorry, almost done here then you'll need to roll over so I can do your back."

"Ok." She whimpered. "It really hurts." She whispered to Brian.

"I could have told you that." He teased making her laugh again.

"Ow."

"I'm sorry baby." He apologised knowing it was her laughing that was causing her pain.

"It's ok carry on." She insisted.

"I'm going to need you to turn over Detective."

Olivia awkwardly rolled onto her front, Brian helping adjust the pillow that had been beneath her back so she could lie on her front more comfortably.

"When we both get out of here maybe we can get away from New York for a little while? I have some savings, we can go to New Jersey or up north or down south, wherever you want to go, hey we could fly to Florida or Washington or anything." Brian talked while Olivia tried not to cry out in pain, her front was sore her back was now aching where glue and stitches were being applied.

"Maybe we can just hide away right here in New York." She replied.

"We could do that too, whatever you want just you and me and some R and R time."

"Perfect… ow!" Tears spilled out of her eyes and Brian forced himself to standing once more. He leant over her and kissed her cheeks right where her tears were, he knew what she was feeling to some extent except he had been knocked out to the world when he had been stitched up so he didn't actually know the exact pain she was feeling at that very moment.

"We could go to the range, fire off a few rounds there." He suggested.

"You think I'm going to be gun shy after this?" She hissed through gritted teeth as she desperately tried not to call out again.

"No baby I don't but maybe it's my turn to play nurse." He said making her giggle awkwardly.

"I think I'll still be nursing you." She teased with a hint of seduction making Brian laugh.

"Probably, my nurse nightingale."

"Yes Sir." She laughed. "Ow."

"Almost done Detective." The nurse said politely.

"If I knew it hurt this much to be shot I'd have done more to stop it happening." She joked.

"I'm sure you would have." Brian laughed. "You know you're supposed to jump out of the path of the bullet not into it."

"I know that… ow! Fuck!"

"I know." He said running his hand over her sweat filled forehead.

"Ok Detective you're done, I'm just going to hook you up to some blood, might be an idea to get some sleep and you should be out of here in the morning."

"Thank you." She replied making no move to roll onto her back, she was far more comfortable on her front.

"I'll need your hand with the IV." She passed the hand that had been stabbed in the ambulance and she was hooked up to the blood bag. "If you want to roll onto your front keep your hand above your head while you do it so you don't get tangled in the wire and if you need anything hit that button. You Mr…"

"Detective Cassidy."

"Shouldn't you be on post-op?"

"Nope I'm right where I should be." He growled and Olivia suppressed a smirk knowing he wasn't just being a pain but making sure he wasn't moved.

"We'll have you moved soon Detective Benson, Detective Cassidy you'll have to go back to bed when she's moved."

As the nurse left Don hurried after her.

"How bad is it?"

"Not bad at all, the bullet travelled through fatty tissue just above the hip and off to the side. Basically all the bullet went through was some flesh and beings nothing serious in its path. She's going to be sore but it's going to be more like a dull ache if she takes the required drugs."

"She was lucky then."

"Very." The nurse smiled reassuringly.

"What's the chances of her and Cassidy being able to share a room for the night?"

"Not very likely."

"I know it's a lot to ask but it's been hell on earth for our squad for the past couple of weeks and I'd either be dead or in jail if it wasn't for them."

"I'll call up to post op, see if they have a room for two that they can have but to be honest once Detective Benson is given her pain killers she's going to be out like a light and a damn bomb wouldn't wake her."

"In all honesty, she's going to need the comfort of knowing he's nearby before she even considers sleep a possibility." Don explained best he could, he knew what the couple meant to each other from the little he'd seen of them interacting with each other.

"I'll see what I can do." She smiled before hurrying off leaving Don to return to the room where Olivia was finally acknowledging the other people around her.

"I called Amaro but it went through to voicemail." Fin said just as Don joined the team.

"Amaro hates me." Liv sighed, it was obviously affecting her that Nick wasn't there, he was her partner and had it been Elliot he would have broken the land speed record in order to be by her side.

"He doesn't hate you Liv he's just angry at all of us right now."

"Why? We didn't drive his wife away, we didn't take his kid." Olivia hissed, she was in pain and every time an emotion increased in her she'd tense up making the pain worse.

"But while all that was going on we were telling him to take a step back from the job too Olivia, he felt like he was losing everything." Munch pointed out making Olivia roll her eyes.

"I don't care, he says he's requesting a new partner." Olivia said curling one of the pillows beneath her head tightly as she tried to get comfortable.

"That's not going to happen." Harris said earning him a look from everyone. "While I'm in charge there is no staff changes being made." He explained looking uncomfortably at Don.

"Liv are you happy working with him?"

"I don't trust him." Olivia replied honestly. "I don't trust him not to get me killed."

"Ok, then you're not to go into the field with him." Don said looking at Harris who replied with a nod in the positive.

"I'm on ass duty anyway."

"Temporarily, until IAB clears you." Harris nods.

"How long will it take for them to do that?" Fin asked.

"A couple of days if Cassidy and Benson have given the same story." He replied firmly and everyone turned to look at the couple who were smiling at each other, they knew that they'd told the same thing because they'd told the truth not a five minutes made up story.

"Well she won't be moving for a while." Fin pointed out.

"The bullet did no damage, it ripped through skin and tissue only." Cragen replied. "She'll be in discomfort but she won't be in pain."

"Wow Benson you defied the odds." Munch chuckled.

"Just like you when you were shot in the ass." Olivia pointed out. "Except mine went through and through and didn't make any damage."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hey between losing the planning for this story and then starting a new job working 11 odd hours a day this story was kind of forgotten about. I can only apologise and hope that I can get this finished now I've written a new plan for it. Love Steff xx**

**Ps. Join me on facebook at SteffieDawn Fanfiction for previews to stories!**

The next morning Olivia woke to Brian stroking her arm from the chair beside her bed. She gave him an impish smile which he returned at once. She wasn't in as much pain as she suspected she would be waking, it felt like a really bad stitch or cramp that wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

"Good morning Detectives." Brian's nurse came in with a bright smile. "Brian you should be in bed."

"No I shouldn't."

"Yes you should." Olivia chuckled.

"Detective Benson we're going to get you up and walking this morning, use the bathroom and eating then you can be discharged." She smiled to Olivia who beamed, she was really lucky that the bullet did very little damage.

"Can we do that now? Because I really need the bathroom." Olivia said sheepishly.

"Ok." The nurse smiled.

She walked around to the side of Olivia's bed and lowered one of the cot sides while Olivia pushed herself to sitting. It was agony to move the way she was, she could feel her stitches pulling too with each movement.

"Slowly does it." The nurse smiled reassuringly. "Now I'm going to support your weight on your right side."

"Ok." Olivia nodded allowing the nurse to take her arm and place it around her waist. "Just use me to move."

Olivia slowly slid off the bed, her feet hitting the floor causing a throb to surround her wound.

"Most of your weight on your right side, you might need a single crutch for a couple of days."

"Ok." Olivia replied as they began moving towards the bathroom.

The nurse walked Olivia all the way to the toilet and then left her alone and tended to Brian while she was there.

"You think she'll be ok to go today?" Brian asked, this woman had been his nurse since he'd been on the ward and so he had built quite a rapport with her.

"I think so." She replied honestly with a smile. "She'll be just fine."

"I know." He replied though he wasn't so sure. He'd had his own share of daemons to deal with since his shooting, flashbacks and nightmares to name a few and he couldn't help but worry about how Olivia would be out in the world especially with someone still out to kill her.

"Good morning." Cragen said as he stepped into the room.

"Captain." Brian said with a nod of his head as the nurse helped him back into bed.

"Where's Liv?"

"Bathroom." Brian replied as he tried to get comfortable.

"Captain Cragen?" The nurse asked, Don nodded his head slowly in reply wondering if this was going to be someone who had recognised him from the TV and was about to make a comment. "The doctor would like to speak to you as you're down as Detective Benson's next of kin."

It was a small surprise to the Captain to hear that but he didn't question it and instead followed the Nurse out of the room and down the corridor.

"Hi I'm Doctor Jacob Rooke." The doctor smiled as he saw the nurse with Cragen.

"Don Cragen." He replied shaking the doctor's hand.

"So I'm Olivia's doctor and as you're down as her next of kin it's only to you and her that I can discuss her medical condition."

"And this is something you don't want to discuss with her." Don commented yet the Doctor took it as a question.

"Not really, see as much as she's able to be discharged today with a single crutch I'm not happy for her to be on her own for the next couple of days. She's not going to be able to move around as easily and will need help with simple stuff like making a cup of coffee…"

"She can come and stay with me." Cragen said not even thinking about it.

"Are you sure?"

"It's no problem, I have a guest room that Olivia can have." He smiled reassuringly at the young doctor.

"Ok then I don't see a problem for us to get her out of here this morning if you'd like to fill out a couple of forms for me then I can explain everything about her medication and stuff so you can help her over the next few days."

Back in the room Olivia snuggled in bed beside Cassidy rather than returning to her own bed. It wasn't exactly comfortable, if anything it was painful to both of them but the comfort they shared from being in each other's arms was worth the little pain they felt.

"Marry me?" Cassidy blurted as he stroked Olivia's hair.

Her breath completely caught in her throat. Did he really just ask her that?

"What?" She asked as she tensed up completely.

"Come on Liv, I love you, you love me, let's stop pissing about. Marry me?" He asked again.

"Brian…"

"Just think about it. I don't want this to be like before. I don't want thirteen years to go by where I just think about you and wish we'd given things a real go. I'd like to spend the rest of my life with you Olivia and I want to commit to doing that. Just marry me."

"I…" Olivia was interrupted when the door opened and Don Cragen and the Doctor walked in together.

"Detective Benson, I have your discharge papers here. Before you sign them I'm going to let you in on something. You wouldn't be leaving here today if your Captain hadn't offered his guest room for you. You'll be using one crutch until you feel like you don't need it anymore and you will need to stay off your feet as much as you can for the next few days."

"I'm going to stay with you?" Olivia asked looking at her Captain who gave a small nod of his head avoiding her eyes. "Why?"

"I'm your next of kin." He shrugged. "You would have to stay here at least one more night if you didn't have someone to take care of you Olivia."

"Ok then." She nodded. She had always hated hospitals mainly because of the amount of time she spent in them as a child and the work visits she had made.

"Ok well I'll get a nurse to help you changed and then you can be on your way." The Doctor smiled before leaving the room.

"I'll be outside." Don said leaving Olivia and Brian alone again.

"You sure you're ok with going to stay with Cragen?"

"Yeah." She smiled. "Might be beneficial for both of us in all honesty."

"Ok." Brian nodded. "Just think about what I asked? Please?"

"Ok." She nodded before kissing him, reassuring him that she wasn't running or turning him down before she climbed off the bed slowly just as the nurse entered.

Olivia left the hospital a couple of hours later with Don Cragen. It was just a little bit awkward for her to be going to stay with her Captain but she was also very grateful to him, he didn't have to do any of this but he was.

"So how are you doing Liv?"

"I'm ok, any leads on the case?"

"I wouldn't know." He replied sadly, he wanted to be back at SVU making sure everyone was working around the clock to find Olivia's shooter but he wasn't and there was nothing he could do about it. "Fin and Rollins are coming around later to take your statement." He added.

"Ok." She sighed, that wasn't going to be fun at all but at least she was getting it out of the way.

Back at Cragen's she wanted nothing more than to take a shower but she realised she couldn't without any of her things and would have to wait. Cragen informed her that Amanda would be collecting some of her things from her apartment before coming over as Olivia had always kept a spare apartment key in her drawer and Cragen had known about it to tell the other female detective.

When Fin and Amanda arrived Don made them all hot drinks and sat to support Olivia as she gave her statement. She was grateful to him for being there beside her on the couch offering her support that she realised as she began to speak that she would need.

"So the silver Merc was tailing you all day?"

"Yes. I called Harris up and asked him if he'd put a detail on me." Olivia replied as she clutched to the mug in her hand. She felt so drowsy with the pain pills and wanted nothing more than to close her eyes and get some sleep.

"It followed you here?"

"Yes, I saw it when I caught a cab here." Olivia said glaring at Fin, for some reason, considering him and Munch was the Protective Detail she thought that he didn't believe her.

"And other than someone involved with Denzel or Delia you don't have an inkling who it could be?"

"No." Olivia sighed. "There's nothing more I can tell you guys and I'm exhausted." She told them struggling against the drowsiness.

"I think maybe if you have more questions you should come back." Don said in a protective manner.

"Of course we'll leave you to it. Thanks Olivia and I hope you feel better soon." Amanda smiled and out of character for both of them Amanda hugged Olivia who instantly hugged her back.

"We'll find this bastard Liv." Fin said hugging her too, not so out of character.

After they left Don helped Olivia to the guest room and left her alone to get changed and get into bed where she got some much needed sleep.

_It was almost as if it was happening in slow motion._

"_Police! Police! On the job! Don't shoot! Don't shoot!" I yell as I see the standoff in front me. _

"_Liv get back! Liv get back!" Brian calls but I can't stop my legs from running towards him. _

_BANG! BANG!_

"_No! No!"_

"Olivia! Olivia wake up!"

"No! No!" She trembled in her bed as Don watched her in a fitful nightmare.

"_Cassidy! Cassidy! Ten thirteen, ten thirteen officer down, officer down, A PO was shot." My heart is hammering loudly in my chest so loud I hear it in my ears, Cassidy, the man I think I love is lying on the ground with two holes in his chest and blood quilting his sweater. _

"_Oh my god." A whisper passes my lips as I realise just how serious this is. "Call a bus!"_

"Call a bus!" She screams as Don just sits there having failed to wake her deciding to stay there until she woke up of her own accord in case she needed comfort.

"_Stay with me Cassidy ok?" I cry as he looks right into my eyes, those gorgeous blue eyes of his looking terrified. "You hang in there, you're going to be alright we're going to be there soon ok?" I say them to try and comfort myself as well as him. _

_He flat lines. My heart stops right along with his. _

"_Do something." I choke as the EMT moves to help. _

"_Clear…"_

She startled awake, her hands clutching tightly to the bed sheets.

"Yes." She choked out as she caught her breath.

"Liv you ok?" Cragen asked setting himself beside her on the bed, he couldn't believe he'd just seen what he had. It was terrifying to see Olivia fitful replaying the moments Cassidy was shot, he knew that's what it was without her having to tell him.

"Nightmare." She gritted out.

"A very realistic one." Don replied and Olivia nodded.

"He asked me to marry him." She whispered and she eyes closed trying to rid the memory from her mind.

"He did? When he was shot?"

"No this morning." Don was shocked but he hid it well. "I think I want to."

"You think?"

"No I do. I want to marry Brian… I want to spend the rest of my life with him… however long or short that may be."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hey between losing the planning for this story and then starting a new job working 11 odd hours a day this story was kind of forgotten about. I can only apologise and hope that I can get this finished now I've written a new plan for it. Love Steff xx**

**Ps. Join me on facebook at SteffieDawn Fanfiction for previews to stories!**

"Where are you going?" Don asked as Olivia began getting out of bed.

"To see Brain." She replied grabbing her bag that Amanda had bought over containing her clothes.

"It's five in the morning Liv he's probably asleep." Don chuckled, she had a certain light in her eyes that he'd never seen before and somehow he knew it was the light that love was bringing her.

Whether it was her possible mortality or his, Don knew that Olivia was in the mind set of not wasting another moment of her life messing around. She was taking control of her destiny, her future and if she wanted that future to be with Brian Cassidy then he would support her one hundred percent.

"I'm gonna shower." Olivia said as she headed for the bathroom at quite a speed considering she used one crutch and had a hole in her side.

Don chuckled a little as the door locked and shook his head. Thirteen years ago he'd really had no idea about Brian and Olivia and he would have never bet on it either, they seemed like the most unlikely of couples but if Olivia was happy then he had her back.

He made them both a coffee and a couple of slices of toast. He had the overwhelming urge to take care of her and that included making sure she ate before she headed out and maybe he could keep her in the house till at least seven and that way Brian could have enough sleep before she went there.

When Olivia came out of the bedroom her hair was wrapped in a towel above her head and dressed in a pair of black pants and a blue shirt with the top three buttons undone. She smiled when he placed a coffee in front of her and began to dry off her hair. Still Don could see that light shimmering in her eyes and considering all the heartache that had been around and the pain and the unknown of the past few weeks.

"So changed your mind yet?" He teased making her laugh.

"Nope, I haven't been so certain about anything in a very long time in all honesty Don. I want to marry Brian."

He could only smile widely at her almost childlike happiness. The only person he'd ever see make Olivia smile the way she was now was Elliot Stabler. The man who in all honesty broke Olivia's heart. He knew for a fact Olivia hadn't heard anything from the former Detective and that had hurt him, he found it personal that he'd not been in touch with Olivia and offered her a real explanation.

After she'd eaten her toast and drank her coffee Don knew there was nothing else he could do to hold her back and took her to the door. The detail pulled up outside as soon as the door opened and they guessed at once that they weren't taking any chances.

"Detective Benson would like to go to the hospital." Don told them.

"Hop in Detective." The young uni replied and Olivia gave a small smile, saved getting a cab.

At the hospital the uni's insisted on walking Olivia inside. She wanted to snap but the fear of someone coming for her and shooting her again was a little stronger than her annoyance about having babysitters.

Once on post-op the two uni's let her go inside and settled themselves outside the door until she was ready to leave.

She walked as fast as she could with her crutch. She smiled over at the nurses station where the nurses there recognised her and waved politely. Once at Brian's door she pushed it open to see him sitting in bed watching TV.

"Liv?"

"Yes." She said panting with the struggle she'd gone through to hobble down to the room quickly.

"What?"

"I'll marry you." She said with a wide smile.

"You will?"

"Yes!" She beamed struggling into the room. "Yes I'll marry you."

"Liv…"

Whatever he was going to say was silenced by Olivia's kiss as her lips latched onto his. It was deep, passionate, thirteen years of hidden feelings.

"Liv… Liv…" He pulled away slowly.

"What?" She asked worrying that he'd changed his mind.

"As much as I love your lips on mine I've got a boner that I can't deal with." He said in all seriousness while Olivia laughed. "It's not funny, it's your fault."

"I'm sorry." She chuckled climbing onto the bed. "I don't want to wait."

"For what?"

"To marry you." She smiled looking right into his eyes. "As soon as you're out of here, we should go and get a marriage license."

"Really?" He looked like a kid at Christmas.

"Yeah, thirteen years has been wasted Brian, I don't want to waste anymore." She admit quietly.

"Neither do I." He admitted. "I love you Liv, if that bullet would have killed you…"

"Shh." She put her lips to his to silence him. "It didn't, we're both still here."

"I'm going to be thanking God for the rest of my life about that."

"Me too." Olivia replied snuggling into him more.

"I think I can get out of her tomorrow." He said quietly.

"You're coming home with me." She wasn't giving him an option.

"Your place?"

"You've been UC for three years do you even have a place that's yours?" She asked and he sighed realising she was right.

"We could be married by Friday."

"Yeah we could. I'd like that." She smiled. "Fresh start for both of us."

"I should get going." She sighed.

"Back to Don's?"

"No precinct, I want to see if they have any idea who tried to kill me."

"You're supposed to be resting." Brian pointed out thinking she really needed the rest.

"I will rest, when you're home with me and my shooter is behind bars." She said struggling off the bed.

Brian could see that her comment about not being the person she was thirteen years ago was only half the truth. Yes she was different, she wasn't the commitmentphobe she was all those years ago and she'd shown that by not only agreeing to marry him but marry him within the week. However, she still lived for the job, he could only hope that she was also now living for him the way he was living for her.

"I'll see you later." She smiled leaning over him.

"Shoot me a text." He said and she nodded before kissing him again, loving the feel of his lips on hers as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

After she left he grabbed his phone and knocked the speed dial number for his mother.

"Hey Mom, I need a favour and I've got some big news… I'll see you in a little while."

Olivia walked straight into the precinct not surprised to see her picture up on the board and details of the case. She read everything, taking it all in.

"You shouldn't be reading that."

"Captain." She said looking at Harris, the word tasting bitter in her mouth.

"You shouldn't even be here."

"I have to do something." She sighed hobbling away from the board and towards her desk.

"There's someone in my office who wants to see you."

"Who?"

He just shrugged. Olivia rolled her eyes and changed direction towards the office wondering who on earth would be there to see her. There wasn't a single realistic name that came to mind.

"Hey Liv."

"George." She gasped.

"How are you doing?"

"You're here?"

"In the flesh." He teased. "So come on sit down fill me in."

"You mean talk to me so I can shrink you to death." She laughed hobbling over to the couch so she could rest her side, the stiches pulled slightly with every movement.

"Exactly so spill." He said pulling up a chair in front of her. "I want all the gossip."

"I'm getting married." She said sounding like she didn't believe it herself.

"You are? To whom?"

"Brian Cassidy. We're going to get a marriage license sorted tomorrow."

"Congratulations." He said trying to gauge her reaction. She just smiled, her eyes lighting up.

"Thank you."

"So come on Liv, these have been a hell of a couple of weeks but I want to know how you and Brian got to the point where you're getting married." George pushed.

"The night Clarissa was killed in Cragen's bed Brian was in my apartment. We'd had a few glasses of wine and caught up on thirteen years before we decided to relive the night we slept together in ninety nine." She said. "It was only supposed to be the one night but then with the case we saw each other more and more and I'll be honest and say that he'd crossed my mind a lot in thirteen years but then when he was gunned down in front of me… I wanted to be dead too… if he wasn't going to live then I didn't want to either… I realised then that I loved him."

"Wow."

"Yeah." She nodded and smiled. "I think I may have fallen in love with him thirteen years ago but I was scared and wanted to focus on my job. Now… we've already wasted thirteen years."

"Ok, and how are you handling being shot?" George asked his concern for the Detective in front of him evident.

"Alright." She shrugged. "It hurt more than I ever thought it would." She added as an afterthought.

"That's a else do youing to give me? It hurt?"

"What else do you want?" Liv frowned, she wasn't here for a shrinking session right?

"What about this whole thing with Cragen, how have you been handling that?" George wasn't going to push her yet, he'd get to do that when he would be evaluating her but for now he wasn't even going to tell her that he was back for the foreseeable future.

"I'm fine with that, for once I realise some of the crazy shit that Munch spouts has some truth to it though." She chuckled. "Talking of Cragen I better go, he's due in court soon." Olivia said as she glanced at the clock for confirmation of the time.

"I'll come with, I'd like to see Don again." He smiled which Olivia returned.

"You know he missed you during all of this." Olivia said as she hobbled out of the office ahead of him.

"You think?"

"I know, I mentioned you and had to reassure Don you'd have been here if you could."

"Well I'm here now, I closed all my cases up and handed them over to everyone else before leaving, I came as fast as I could."

"I know." Olivia smirked, she really did know, SVU was in Huang's blood like it was in hers.

They were a little late arriving at the full courtroom but Olivia wasn't surprised to see a spare seat for her with Fin, Munch, Nick and Rollins in the front bench behind Don. They shifted up when they saw she wasn't alone and Fin and Munch both did a double take at Huang but said nothing as not to disrupt the courtroom.

Olivia leant forward and put her hand on Cragen's shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze in the process. He didn't look at her but knowing it was her he reached up and patted her hand before changing his mind and taking a hold of it, not caring about showing any weakness in front of a courtroom of people.

"Are all in agreement that the charges against Captain Donald Cragen are dismissed with prejudice?" The judge asked looking at the new DA that had been drafted in for this as the former was now awaiting her own trial.

"Yes your Honour." Both defence and district attorney's replied.

"The Captain Cragen you are free to go, this case is dismissed with prejudice and cannot be refilled."

"Thank you your honour." A teary Captain choked out giving his Detective's hand a squeeze in the process.

It was like a collective sigh of relief passed through the bench in which the SVU team where sitting. Even though they had known that the charges were going to be dropped as the girls had recanted hearing it in open court with the charges being dropped with prejudice made them all know it was finally over.

"You ok?" Liv asked giving her Captain a hug as they stepped out into the walkway to meet him.

"I am now George, when did you get here?"

"A few hours ago. Sorry I wasn't here sooner."

"I suspect you were busy."

"Very, needed to close off everything before I left." He smirked and Cragen new what it meant.

"You're back?"

"As long as you'll keep me after Harris is gone." George chuckled and Cragen beamed and shook the psychiatrist's hand.

"Thank God for that." He added chuckling.

"I don't know about you guys but I could really do with a drink." Olivia said thinking out loud.

"Our usual?" Fin asked talking about the small café/bar that had become SVU's hangout especially over the last case as they couldn't exactly discuss it in the squad room.

"Yes." Cragen nodded though Olivia wasn't sure about putting temptation in his way. "I'm fine Liv." He whispered as the rest of the gang headed for the exit. "You shouldn't be drinking on these pills either."

"I'm having one I think I deserve it." Olivia replied with a shrug and Don chuckled, he couldn't agree more.

They caught up with the group just outside the courthouse doors where Olivia gasped at seeing Brian Cassidy in a wheelchair with the woman she knew to be his mother stood behind holding the handles.

"Brian what are you doing here?" She asked struggling in front of him.

"I gotta do this right Liv." He said as his Mom stepped from behind the chair and helped him to the floor where he managed to get into a very uncomfortable looking kneeling position.

From his jacket pocket he pulled out what looked like an old wooden ring box that had clearly seen better days.

"Brian…" She said clearly embarrassed, for the first time in years Olivia felt shy.

"Olivia Benson. You fucked with my head for thirteen years and I'm a lucky son of a bitch that you're giving me another chance…"

"Language Brian." Mrs Cassidy snapped playfully.

"Sorry." Brian coughed before he snapped open the ring box revealing a beautiful three stone ring, a plain diamond in the centre slightly bigger than the two bright red rubies on either side. It was clearly an old ring that had been cleaned and Olivia knew from the slight sadness yet pride in Mrs Cassidy's eyes that it was once her ring

"Olivia, you've already said yes but I'm giving you an out here ok? Will you marry me?"

"I don't want an out Brian." Olivia said passing her crutch off to Don as she fell heavily to her knees in front of Brian, smacking her knees on the cold wooden floor but causing less pain than had she lowered herself gracefully due to the hole in her side. "I love you and my answer's not changed, it will never change. Yes." She said before kissing him to the hoots and hollers of those around her, even lawyers, cops and other visitors of the courthouse had stopped to watch the show and clapped along in surprise.

Brian took the ring out of the box and it was quite a shock that it slid into place and fit perfectly along Olivia's slender fingers seeing as that ring had been Mrs Cassidy's many years ago when she had married Brian's father who had passed it on from his Mother before.

"You've made me the happiest man on planet earth Liv."

"Shouldn't you be at the hospital?" She asked as her forehead pressed against his.

"Nope, discharged myself. I wanted to go home with my fiancée." His form of address had Olivia beaming. She'd been a fiancée once before but that was when she was still just a child. Now she was an adult getting on in life and she was going to get married and settle down and possibly have a family of her own. "Did I hear someone say drinks?" Brian asked as Olivia was helped to her feet by Don and George and Cassidy was helped into his wheelchair by Fin and Rollins.

"You can't have a drink on your medication." Olivia gasped.

"Just the one… ok I'll have a soda but I've been cooped up in hospital too long Liv." He laughed. Olivia could only smile, with every word that passed out of his mouth she could see why she had fallen in love with him.


End file.
